Trust

Nestled on my shoulder, the whisper touch of a little hand and rhythmic soft warm breaths against my cheek; and I feel a rush of emotion.   He trusts me. Both precious boys wrap their wee hands around my finger, close their eyes and rest. My sons, who were put into our arms at birth, didn't know the woman whose womb they occupied for 8 months was not the woman they would call Mom.  Yet, they trust me. I am honored, humbled and fearful all at once.  I take a deep breath and revel in this gift.  This tender trust is different than the trust of an adult.  What did I do to earn this trust? We provided safety, security, shelter, food, warmth and love.  With the love of an entire village of family and friends,  Keith, the boys and I have created something.  I wish this sense of safety and security stays with them for a lifetime. 

Boppies and Bullsh-t

Bugaboo donkey, boppy pillow, changing pad covers, graco mini pack and play, mini mattress bedsheets,  the rock and play, Buy Buy Baby, Babies r us, imagiquarium, Chico seats, burpies , binkies, blinkies or soothers, onsies, avent, Holle, stages of nipples, stages of diapers, diaper genie, water not alcohol wipes, A and D ointment, mylicon, swaddles, baby Einstein, nasal saline, boppy covers

Things that did not make it into our home:
Dockatot
Mama-roo
Uppababy

To swaddle
To change
To burp
To feed

This is our new vocabulary.  All babies eat, poop, sleep, cuddle. There is a multimillion dollar industry to make sure we lose our confidence, override our instincts and of course spend a lot of money.

My mother in law called the boppy a doo-dad and that cheered me.

Little socks

An adult lifetime of anticipation has made the most mundane of tasks seem beautiful. As I fold tiny socks and little pants, baby shirts and footed pajamas, my heart just melts.  I can't believe how much they have grown in almost 3 months. I imagine how much more they will grow and the young men they will become.  I am reminded of the love and kindness of our family and friends.  Each tiny outfit chosen for them.  I send a thank you into the Universe. The wash cloths, burp cloths, swaddle cloths....all neat and sorted.  I hear their sweet sleep sounds in the background  as I fold and I cherish this moment. I send this prayer-- Wear these clothes in good health, my loves.